I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
