I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
