id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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