We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
