On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
