I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im holly from the hills drunk
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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