Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
