I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
did i walk over a car last night?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
