I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
