someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
