I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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