Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My feet surprised me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
