um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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