when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
