Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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