so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm bleeding and have questions
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
