Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
