I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
