Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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