remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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