Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
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If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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