We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
