In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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