So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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