I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
