and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
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you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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