Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
