imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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