remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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