Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
