I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
