My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
