Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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