you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
