Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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