and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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