For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
