Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i permit you to call me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
