you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
