I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
