Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
