What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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