New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Operation Purity has been aborted
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
