I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
