Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
