I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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