Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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