dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Its about making memories worth repressing
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
