You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
