you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Congratulations! We have a period
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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