I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I'm really busy with my period
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