Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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