I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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