so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
