Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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