barbara walters just said penis...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
