At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
