My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
