Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
