i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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