In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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