they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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