I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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