I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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