it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
