So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
