Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He better not be in your backpack
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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