Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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