You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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