I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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