porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
