Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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