His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
