I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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