I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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