Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
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Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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